I've been feeling really frustrated lately.
Frustrated, of course, that it is taking us so long to conceive a healthy baby.
Frustrated that I probably only have one, maybe two, more chances to get pregnant before our EDD/one-year anniversary of TTC (yes, both of those lovely milestones are on the same day).
Frustrated that everyone else in the world is having babies except for me and DH (including the annoying girl from law school who I cannot stand, and cannot be happy for, no matter how hard I try).
Frustrated that me not being happy for other people's pregnancy annoucements makes me feel like a monster.
Frustrated that (well-meaning) people constantly make comments about when we are going to have kids, and frustrated with how that makes me feel (like I want to punch them in the face, and then go cry).
Frustrated that people who do know about our struggles keep saying the wrong douchebag things ("Maybe it will happen when you stop thinking about it"... thanks Mom!).
Frustrated that there is nothing medically wrong with me, and there is nothing more we can do... and yet I still cannot get pregnant (despite having perfect timing every.single.cycle.).
And worst of all, I'm frustrated that DH is getting frustrated with me. He is so incredibly supportive, but I know he struggles with watching me on my sad days. I know he hates seeing me sad. And its not like I'm sad all the time, but some days are more difficult than others. I know I'm ok, but I think DH is starting to worry. I just wish I could go back to being my old, happy (99.9% of the time) self, and not worry about these things... and not be so frustrated about all of these things I can't control. :-(
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4 hours ago
I think I share most of these frustrations...minus the law student, but I can substitute that with maybe a coworker, acquaintance, etc.
ReplyDeleteThis is how I especially felt last night when I broke down. It sometimes seems as if it gets better but then when I least expect it, it hits me again and I'm back to the beginning of this roller-coaster.
This whole TTC thing has taken a tole on me. It makes me so frustrated at times. I wish I could find my new normal but it just seems to hide from me :(
I guess what I'm trying to say from all of my rambling is that you're not alone with these frustrations. I hate that we have to feel this way. I really hope that we are able to get our "Healthy Take Home" baby very very soon. (((hugs)))
Mary, I'm so sorry you are having the same feelings and that you had a break down. :-( I hate that you are able to empathize with me, but it does make me feel better knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way. I really hope we both get our take home babies soon too. Big ((hugs)) to you too!
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