Drumroll please...

Well, there is no doubt about it this time. I got not one, not two, but THREE BFPs this morning!!!!  

I also had betas drawn today.  They came back at 28.6!!!  Depending upon what beta chart you look at, that number is either exactly average or slightly above average for 12 dpo.  Houston, we have a baby!

I go back to the RE on Saturday morning for my second beta draw.  DH and I are slightly nervous but mostly cautiously excited.  The fact that this baby has stayed put long enough to have a positive beta makes me feel like we've already reached a huge milestone.  (This is the first positive beta I've had since Baby M; none of my chemical pregnancies made it long enough to be detected on a blood test.)  Now we just have to make sure he or she doubles the hCG before Saturday!

And, just for fun, here's my BFP chart.  According to FF, our EDD is 11/19/11.  :-)

Eeek!

I think I'm going to test tomorrow... I'm not saying anything else, because I don't want to jinx it!  :-)

Congrats, FF...

You have finally correctly identified ovulation!

Seriously...?

I am pretty sure FF has gone stupid lately.  This is the second cycle in a row where it thinks I have ovulated BEFORE my +OPK.  Seriously?  I'm pretty sure that is physically impossible.  Nice try though, FF.  

I'm hoping that after a few more days of high temps FF will move my cross-hairs to yesterday, where they most certainly should be.  Otherwise, I guess I'll be doing another manual override. 

Get your act together, FF!

BFP and BFNs

Sorry for the silence these past several days.  I was waiting in the hopes that I could actually write that post about eating my words.  

I got a BFP on Thursday, at 11 dpo.  A clear, but faint, pink line that appeared before the 5 minute read time allowed by my tests. 

I was so excited, I was shaking.  I have never seen a line that clear appear that quickly before, so I thought that surely this must be it!  I immediately tried confirming with another internet cheapie, which came up negative.  I ran and grabbed one of my FRERs, thinking surely it would confirm my positive.  Of course it was a BFN.  I was slightly disheartened, but thought maybe I just got lucky with a super sensitive cheapie and that it was just too early for these other tests.  

Friday morning I tested again, fully expecting to confirm my positive result from the day before.  Two more BFNs.  

At this point I called my doctors office again.  My RE wanted me to come in for a beta and to check my progesterone levels, so I went yesterday morning.  I really, truly thought I would get a positive result.  The nurse called yesterday afternoon:  my betas came back as "below 5" (obviously NOT pregnant) and my progesterone level was 6.78 (9 is the minimum they want to see for pregnancy).  

To say I was upset by this news is an understatement.  At best, the machine in their lab hadn't been properly calibrated before they ran my test, and the numbers were just off.  At worst (and most likely), I was pregnant and now I'm not.  And the nurse wasn't very helpful, she just kept telling me it was too early and I shouldn't even be testing yet because this is what happens.  (She was nice about it, but still, not helpful at this point!)  The nurse said I could either continue taking my progesterone and they could test my levels again on Monday, or stop the progesterone and wait for my period.  I decided to keep taking it and keep testing this weekend and see what happens. 

So far, another BFN this morning, but my temp is still rising.  I'm not hopeful, but I'm not giving up until the fat AF sings.

*Sigh*

I'm pretty sure this cycle is a bust.

My temps have been pretty dismal the past three days, and so far today I have had multiple strings of EWCM and also some cramping.  WTF, body?  I figured the progesterone would raise my temps, give me increased creamy CM, and might even delay my period... not that I would have dropping temps and pre-AF EWCM at 9 dpo.  Frustrating!

(And yes, I did test this morning.  BFN.  DH and I are snowed in and celebrating with a drinking snow day, so I had to be sure.  Also, waiting to test until AF was due sure didn't spare me any heartache these past few cycles, so what's the point?)

Of course, I would be love to eat these words in a few days, if by some miracle I did turn up pregnant.  But I'm not holding my breath.

Spoke too soon

So you know how yesterday I was saying I haven't had any side effects from the progesterone?  Well, today I wake up and HOLY WOW, my boobs are sore.  And its gotten progressively worse all day. 

I think it's safe to say the pills are working!

6 dpo... no news

 

Today I am 6 dpo, and so far, nothing exciting to report.  FF did actually give me CHs at 3 dpo... on CD15.  Now, I know FF was likely confused because of my missing temps, but seriously?!  I did not ovulate three days before my +OPK, silly FF!  I had to override and set FF straight.

On another moderately-related note... prometrium is MESSY!  I'll spare you the details, but those hot pink pills dissolve... and as they say, what goes up must come down.  And they kind of look like Skittles, which is just totally weird to think about.  LOL

I'm taking 200 mg per day, but so far I haven't noticed any side effects.  Which I know I should be thankful for, but I kind of expected some kind of sign to tell me they were working.  Has anyone else taken these and not had any symptoms?

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Here we go again

I'm 99% sure I ovulated on Sunday.  I base this on the fact that I almost always get a +OPK, followed by an O dip (either the next day or two days post- +OPK), followed by a temp spike (always the day after the dip).  Since my temp on Monday was higher than my previous seven recorded temps, I'm going to assume I did actually ovulate on Sunday.

I still can't believe I missed these two most crucial temps ever! Do'h!

Normally this wouldn't really matter, and I would just deal with not knowing and wait out the 2ww.  However, this cycle I am supposed to start my progesterone at 3 dpo, so its kind of crucial to know when that would be!  I'm planning to start tomorrow, so we will see how this goes. 

On a random semi-related note, I also had a decent amount of brown spotting today.  I have never had spotting so early in my cycle before, so I am wondering if maybe it could be related to ovulation?  Maybe I really did ovulate a litter this month!  lol

Oops...

I went out of town this weekend, and completely forgot to take my thermometer with me! This wouldn't normally be a problem, except I am probably ovulating right now but have no temp for Saturday or Sunday to compare to tomorrow's to confirm. Oops!

On a related note, I got the darkest, most positive OPK ever in life yesterday. I'm not even kidding, the test line was so dark you could barely even see the control line! I have never seen that happen before. And I know it wasn't just one bad test, because I got that dark of a line both times I tested yesterday. I joked with DH that maybe I'll be releasing quadruplets! lol (But no, really, that would be awesome. Maybe then we'd finally have a shot of one sticking around.)

I guess we will be finding out soon!

@^$*&#^$&*@#(&)&@!!!

This morning I got another BFN, followed by AF.

I can't believe this happened to me two cycles in a row.  I freaking hate my body and I hate this.

Still waiting...

14 dpo, no AF, and I still don't have a clear answer as to what is going on in my ute.  My temp went up .1 degree this morning, but I haven't been able to get another truly clear BFP to confirm my positive last night.

I did get what looked like a very very faint line on one internet cheapie with FMU this morning, but it was pretty difficult to see.  Then I dipped a second one (in the same FMU), and it came out stark white negative. 

I saved my FMU and tested with an FRER during my lunch break.  BFN.  Then I dipped another internet cheapie and thought I saw another super, suuuupppeerrrr faint line, but I hesitate to call it a clear positive.  I also have a hard time believing I am truly pregnant when I got a negative on an FRER, when they are supposedly one of the most sensitive tests available.

So now, I am right back where I started.  I want to believe I am pregnant, because that first test last night had such a clear second line.  And, unlike last time, this line was still there when the test dried (and actually got even darker).*  However, it worries me that I can't seem to replicate that result.  I don't want to get my hopes up until I have 100% clear proof that I am, in fact, with child.

I will be testing again first thing in the morning with a fresh batch of FMU.  Hopefully I will get a definitive answer soon.


* For the record, the line on last night's BFP was still clear as day this morning.  (I may or may not have dug it out of the trash to make sure...  Don't act like you've never dug a test out of the trash before!)

Holding my breath

DH was being a pee pusher, so I tested again.  This is what we saw.  On two tests.

I know the picture is dark and you can probably barely see the line, but even though it is faint, it is purple and it is there. (Maybe with the aid of my super sophisticated photo editing, you can see it too.  Click to enlarge.)

I am very cautiously optimistic, but won't let myself get excited just yet.  I need to confirm with FMU before I really let myself believe it.  I am so excited/scared/nervous/terrified to test in the morning.  I just hope that line is still there.

Purgatory

13 dpo and still no AF.  I have had a 12 day LP for the past five cycles.  I realize AF isn't technically late, but she's close. 

I'm still having mild cramping and some EWCM, but also some creamy/sticky CM.  I'm also still having some very sporadic brown spotting.  My temps dropped a little today, but are still pretty high.  And I'm still not having any real pre-AF symptoms.

And I got 2 BFNs this afternoon/evening.  I didn't get to use FMU because, due to Saturday being a post office holiday and my poor planning, my internet cheapies didn't arrive until this afternoon and I couldn't wait until tomorrow.  My first round PIAC was pretty diluted, and my second one was better but still not super concentrated.  So who knows.

I realize I'm probably setting myself up for disappointment, but unless AF shows, I'll be testing again tomorrow.  I'm trying really, really hard not to get my hopes up.

#$%&@!!!

Cramping, EWCM, and spotting today.  I'm sure AF is right around the corner.

Happy new year to me and DH.

Not sure what to think

 

11 dpo and my chart still looks pretty good.  All of your encouragement/ threats to my temps yesterday must have worked, because this morning my temp was back up.

I'm having no pre-AF symptoms -- my boobs don't feel sore or swollen at all, and I'm not having any cramping at all yet... last cycle it started at 8 dpo.  I have been having some extreme bloating (which I had the last time I was pregnant), and my acid reflux has been majorly acting up these past few days, but I'm blaming those two effects on my overindulging in holiday foods.  Also, my boobs have been itching like crazy, which has never happened to me before and is totally weird, so I don't know what to think of that either.  haha

I did, however, just have a tinge of dark brown spotting mixed in some creamy CM.  I don't know what to think of that.  Of course, the logical part of my brain says, "Its AF coming, stupid".  But the optimistic, hopeful side keeps thinking maybe its implantation spotting after that dip yesterday.  AHHH!!!

I really, really, REALLY want this to be it for us.  I'm so sick of seeing BFNs and worrying if we will ever be parents.  I also really, really don't want to hit our one-year TTC anniversary and EDD with an empty ute.  :-(

9 dpo... Eeek!

Check out those temps!

Halfway there

6 dpo today, whoo hoo!  Halfway through my LP and only one week until I'll be testing!  (Assuming AF doesn't show, of course.) 

I'm sticking to my resolution of not testing early.  I ran out of internet cheapies last cycle, and will not be ordering more until 9 dpo (free two-day shipping -- thanks Amazon Prime!), so I won't be tempted.

I am really, really hoping this is our cycle.

Its over

Well, if I was pregnant, I'm not any more.  CD1 hit with a vengeance today about an hour after I got to work.

I'm amazingly at peace with this entire situation.  I think the reality of not truly knowing whether this was a loss, or just a fluke of a test, has made it a little easier.  And I've been reminding myself, at least if it was a c/p, we were clearly able to get sperm to meet egg again.

I've made an early New Year's resolution:  no more early testing for me.  From here on out, I'm going to do my best to wait until my period is actually late (13 dpo) instead of starting testing at 9 dpo.  I don't want to play this "am-I-or-aren't-I" game again. 

I'm trying to stay optimistic.  I'm mostly just frustrated at this point.  I'm just ready to meet our take-home baby.

Rollercoaster (possible BFP and c/p mentioned)

I apologize for the radio silence these past few days.  A lot has been going on, and I wanted to be sure before I said anything.  I also didn't want to jinx it.

After my post the other day at 9 dpo, I had a temp drop below the coverline, and then my temps shot back up.  I was still having cramps and creamy/EWCM, but started to get my hopes up when my temps stayed high.  (No, I did not mark the EWCM on my chart, because when I did FF took my CH away.  But I had it from 8 dpo on.)

I also have had some serious nausea these past three days, and I even vomited a little yesterday.  I have never had this happen during the 2ww before, and was trying really hard not to get my hopes up.  And, my boobs are sore and feel like rocks.

Then, last night, I got this (click to enlarge):

 

Yes, that is a second line.  It was very very faint, but definitely there.

Of course, once I saw the line, I dipped another test.  I PIAnotherC, and that urine looked darker, so I used it for the second test instead of the same urine from my first test.  BFN.  Then I dipped another test in the original urine, but that test didn't seem to have much dye in it as even the control line was pretty light.  BFN #2.  I gave up and waited for this morning, to test with FMU.

This morning (12 dpo), I fully expected to get another BFP with FMU.  But instead I got BFN #3.

So now I don't know what to think.  The "BFP" line was pink, not gray, and wasn't an indent like I've seen others on TTCAL say they saw with evap lines or bad tests.  Also, the line was there before my urine evaporated, and it faded as the test strip dried.  So I'm really hesitant to call it an evap line.  I have also never remotely seen anything that looks like an evap line on a Wondfo HPT or OPK, and I've been using them for almost a year now.  So I really don't think that's what it was.

I was feeling cautiously excited until this afternoon, when the EWCM really picked up and I started having brown spotting.  I am still spotting now, and starting to pass some dark brown CM/tissue so I'm guessing whatever this was, is about to be over.  I am still holding out a sliver of hope that tomorrow will bring a darker BFP, but I'm not holding my breath.

So it looks like either I got a somehow got a false BFP (on a brand notorious for never having false positives), or I'm possibly having a chemical pregnancy.  :-(

Amazingly, I am not really very upset (yet).  I don't know if I'm secretly holding out hope that I really am pregnant, or if it just hasn't sunk in yet, or if I'm relieved that at least if it was a c/p, that means me and DH were capable of getting pregnant again.

At any rate, please send good thoughts.  I will keep you all posted.