8 week ultrasound and appt

Look how big Baby C is!  Measuring exactly on target and now with a heart rate of 180.  The ultrasound tech kept commenting on how "great" and "wonderful" everything looks, which is so nice to hear.  And look, Baby C was looking right at us, and even waving at us the whole time!  (Ok, ok, I know his/her limbs are kind of stuck like that right now... but I prefer to think he or she is waving!  lol)

So now all I have left is my last RE appointment on the 25th (so sad), and then I will start seeing my old OB regularly.  I actually had my OB intake appointment with the nurse this afternoon right before my ultrasound appointment.  It went better than my last one (mentioned here), but was still annoying.  The nurse taking my medical history didn't even know what a chemical pregnancy was, so I had to explain it to her and then tell her over and over how many losses/pregnancies I've had.  I can't tell you how fun THAT was.  (At least she was nice and not a raging you-know-what like my last intake nurse.) Then I had to go for blood work.  More fun!

So that was pretty much it today.  My next two appointments will be the afternoon of the 25th.  DH and I decided that its probably time I should tell my boss, since things seem to be going well and I will need to continue missing work for doctor's appointments.  She also already knows most of our loss history, so news of my pregnancy will not be shocking to her.   She actually had a full-term stillbirth herself years ago, so she completely empathizes with me and has been awesomely understanding through this whole process.  I am sure she will be thrilled for us, so I'm not too nervous to tell her.  I think I'm going to do it tomorrow.

Eek!  This is really finally starting to feel real!

Heartbeat!!!

We had our first ultrasound this morning (if you hadn't noticed from the photo... lol).  Everything is looking perfect!  Baby C is measuring 6w 1d with a strong little heartbeat of 130 bpm!  Praise Jesus!  DH and I are SO excited and SO relieved!

After the ultrasound, DH and I had to wait around for a few minutes to meet with the nurse and schedule our 8 week scan.  During that time, several of the other nurses came and congratulated us.  It was so cute!  They were so sweet, and seemed genuinely happy for us.  I absolutely love the nurses at my RE's office, and I'm going to miss them (and how nice they are) when I transfer back to my regular OB.

Speaking of my regular OB... I also scheduled my first appointment with him today, per my RE's suggestion.  I have to go for my "intake appointment" (a.k.a. bloodwork and getting talked down to by a nurse who thinks she knows more than you about everything) on April 11th.  I tried to get out of this appointment because it was a seriously horrible experience the last time, but they told me it is required and that they won't let me see my doctor until I go through the intake.  This did not make me happy, but as I told DH some battles just aren't worth fighting.  The receptionist at least scheduled me to meet with a different nurse than the bitch nurse I had with Baby M, so I'm hoping it goes more smoothly this time around.

So I will have my OB intake appointment on April 11th, then my next RE appointment later that same day.  Then, my first real appointment with my OB will be April 25th, which will probably also be the same day as my last RE appointment.  So many appointments!  But of course I don't mind.  :-) 

HOORAY FOR HEARTBEATS!!!!

Second beta and 4 weeks

I went in for my second beta this morning.  The nurse just called -- my betas today were 66.8!!!  They more than doubled, and the nurse said things look fantastic... well, as fantastic as things can be at 4 weeks!  I am so relieved.  My RE wants to do a 6 week, 8 week, and 10 week ultrasound before releasing me to my regular OB.  My 6 week scan (to look for a heartbeat, eek!) is scheduled for March 28th.  I can't wait!  I think I will finally be able to believe this is real once we are able to see the heartbeat.

So far I am feeling great.  My boobs are still sore and continue to swell, and I am exhausted most of the time, but since I am all of five minutes pregnant I am blaming that on the progesterone I'm taking and not the baby (yet). 

And now, because this is officially the second-longest I have ever been pregnant... my 4 week post!

How far along?  4 weeks, 0 days.

Weight gain/loss:  None yet, just bloating.

Maternity clothes?  Not yet, but I might switch to my maternity jeans (from last time) soon if the bloating gets worse.

Stretch marks?  Not yet.

Sleep?  No issues yet.

Best moment this week?  Getting a BFP and hearing that my betas are doubling!

Food cravings:  None yet.

Gender:  I know its early, but I think it is a boy.

Belly button in or out?  In, of course.

Movement?  No, WAAY too early!

What I miss?  Nothing yet!

What I'm looking forward to:  My 6 week ultrasound and (hopefully!) seeing a healthy heartbeat.

Milestones:  Making it to 4 weeks was a HUGE milestone, considering my previous chemical pregnancies all ended before the 4 week mark!

Drumroll please...

Well, there is no doubt about it this time. I got not one, not two, but THREE BFPs this morning!!!!  

I also had betas drawn today.  They came back at 28.6!!!  Depending upon what beta chart you look at, that number is either exactly average or slightly above average for 12 dpo.  Houston, we have a baby!

I go back to the RE on Saturday morning for my second beta draw.  DH and I are slightly nervous but mostly cautiously excited.  The fact that this baby has stayed put long enough to have a positive beta makes me feel like we've already reached a huge milestone.  (This is the first positive beta I've had since Baby M; none of my chemical pregnancies made it long enough to be detected on a blood test.)  Now we just have to make sure he or she doubles the hCG before Saturday!

And, just for fun, here's my BFP chart.  According to FF, our EDD is 11/19/11.  :-)

BFP and BFNs

Sorry for the silence these past several days.  I was waiting in the hopes that I could actually write that post about eating my words.  

I got a BFP on Thursday, at 11 dpo.  A clear, but faint, pink line that appeared before the 5 minute read time allowed by my tests. 

I was so excited, I was shaking.  I have never seen a line that clear appear that quickly before, so I thought that surely this must be it!  I immediately tried confirming with another internet cheapie, which came up negative.  I ran and grabbed one of my FRERs, thinking surely it would confirm my positive.  Of course it was a BFN.  I was slightly disheartened, but thought maybe I just got lucky with a super sensitive cheapie and that it was just too early for these other tests.  

Friday morning I tested again, fully expecting to confirm my positive result from the day before.  Two more BFNs.  

At this point I called my doctors office again.  My RE wanted me to come in for a beta and to check my progesterone levels, so I went yesterday morning.  I really, truly thought I would get a positive result.  The nurse called yesterday afternoon:  my betas came back as "below 5" (obviously NOT pregnant) and my progesterone level was 6.78 (9 is the minimum they want to see for pregnancy).  

To say I was upset by this news is an understatement.  At best, the machine in their lab hadn't been properly calibrated before they ran my test, and the numbers were just off.  At worst (and most likely), I was pregnant and now I'm not.  And the nurse wasn't very helpful, she just kept telling me it was too early and I shouldn't even be testing yet because this is what happens.  (She was nice about it, but still, not helpful at this point!)  The nurse said I could either continue taking my progesterone and they could test my levels again on Monday, or stop the progesterone and wait for my period.  I decided to keep taking it and keep testing this weekend and see what happens. 

So far, another BFN this morning, but my temp is still rising.  I'm not hopeful, but I'm not giving up until the fat AF sings.

Hysteroscopy results

Well, I had my hysteroscopy today.  And I have to say, it was definitely worse than a pap.

I didn't really feel anything at all while my RE was prepping me and injecting the saline.  But as soon as he inserted the camera, my entire cervix/uterine region started violently cramping like nothing I've ever felt before.  At one point I really thought I might pass out.  It wasn't even pain, really, just extreme, intense cramps radiating through my body.  It was really, really uncomfortable, but thankfully it only lasted a few minutes.  After the actual procedure was over, my cramping subsided pretty quickly.  I have still been having bouts of cramping on and off all afternoon -- and leaking saline and iodine, fun! -- but my RE warned me this would probably happen and is totally normal.  (I actually had several pretty strong cramps just as I was sitting up to write this; I think my ute might be dealing with some PTSD!) 

The good news is that my RE did not find any abnormal tissue in my uterus!  He said my cervix and ute look great, and my tubes (what he could see of them, at least) are totally clear. Which is WONDERFUL news!  He thinks the dark spot he saw on the ultrasound must have been either a blood clot or a growth of uterine lining/polyp that shed itself during one of these past two cycles since the ultrasound.  At any rate, I am completely healthy and do not need surgery -- for which I am so, so thankful and totally relieved to hear. 

So, the official diagnosis:  recurrent pregnancy loss due to poor quality uterine lining.  (At this point, my RE does not think we need to do an RPL panel, since those primarily test for genetic issues and clotting disorders.  He still does not believe either of these are my issue, since both would manifest themselves later in a pregnancy, after implantation, and I obviously am not even getting that far.)  He did prescribe progesterone that I am to start taking this cycle after ovulation.  He seems to think this will improve my lining and increase my chance of having a successful implantation, so I'm definitely ready to give it a try.  I am just so relieved to finally have a real diagnosis, and that my diagnosis is something that we can easily treat!

Thank you all again for your support and encouragement yesterday and today, both here and on TTCAL.  It means more to me than you know!

Appointment today, hysteroscopy tomorrow

I had my RE appointment today.  He does believe I had chemical pregnancies these past two cycles.  Because I have already had pretty much every hormone level imaginable tested, and we've ruled out PCOS, he believes I am having an issue with implantation.  (This was also the non-medical opinion of me and DH, so I'm glad we are all on the same page.)

When I got to his office for my appointment, he was looking at my ultrasound from when they checked my ovaries back in November.  (One of the many things I love about this RE is that we always meet in his personal office, not in some sterile exam room, and he always talks to me like a person and not at me like I'm just some medical chart.  But I digress.)  He was looking at a side profile of my ute and showed me this small dark spot.  He said he had noticed it before, but because at that point he was concerned about PCOS, and I had no symptoms to suggest a problem with my ute, he didn't think anything of it.  But now that I've had two failed implantations, he believes that dark spot may be something in my uterus which is preventing implantation.  He said it is probably a polyp, which are apparently very common and almost always benign.  But there is a very small possibility it could also be retained tissue from my miscarriage, or something else, or it could be nothing at all.

At any rate, he wanted to go in and get a good look at it.  So, I am scheduled for a hysteroscopy tomorrow.  If there is a polyp or some other tissue, he said that is likely the cause of my chemical pregnancies, because anything abnormal in the uterus can affect the lining and prevent implantation.  If it turns out there is nothing out of the ordinary inside my ute, then he believes there is an issue with my lining, which he said we could easily treat with progesterone. 

I'm not really even nervous for this procedure tomorrow, just anxious to see what my RE finds.  He said most patients report it is no worse than a pap smear, but I may have some cramping afterwards.  So it doesn't sound like that big of a deal.  I am slightly nervous he might find something in my uterus that will need to come out, but either way, at least we will have finally pinpointed a problem that can be corrected pretty easily.  And that would be such a relief.  Hopefully tomorrow I will have an answer either way!

Called my RE

I called my RE's office yesterday to let them know what had happened these past few cycles and to see if they might want me to come in.  I didn't speak with my RE directly, but I did speak with his nurse who said it sounds like I had two chemical pregnancies.

My doctor did want to see me again, so I have an appointment scheduled for Wednesday.  I will be interested to see what he says, and what he thinks our next steps should be.

20 minutes in...

...to my glucose tolerance test. So far, so good. The Glucola wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be; it reminded me of that flat orange drink we used to get in gallon jugs at Walmart when I was a kid. And thank GOD the phlebotomist didn't miss my vein. One stick down, two to go.

I was absolutely terrified of doing this this morning. I have had a paralyzing fear of needles for as long as I could remember. As in, I legitimately used to have full-on, completely involuntary, panic attacks that would cause me to hyperventilate and shake uncontrollably and sometimes require oxygen. At one point my doctor prescribed Valium for me to take prior to some blood work, and even with two of those in my system I still had an attack and had to be held down. Good times!

When we started talking about TTC last year, I decided I needed to get a grip, since pregnancy (and TTC, as I have now learned) involves a whole lot of needles. I went to several sessions of hypnotherapy with a very good doctor and he really, really helped me. I still don't enjoy having blood drawn, but I can sit in the chair like a big kid (squeezing the bejeesus out of DH's hand, of course) and I can do it without hyperventilating or having an embarrassing meltdown.

But so far I have only "tested" my recovery in single-blood draw-increments. I now know I can hold it together for a single needle stick, with plenty of time in between to recover. I even survived a blood draw all by myself at the RE the other day (see previous post -- I wasn't expecting to have any labs drawn during the appointment so I didn't make DH come with me). But I honestly was not sure if I could keep my composure and stay calm knowing I would be stuck THREE TIMES in TWO HOURS this morning. I hardly slept last night dreading what was coming. I woke up at least three times that I can remember, jerking myself awake and just generally freaking out.

So, long story short, I was majorly panicking and am now majorly relieved that so far I am doing ok. The phlebotomist who drew me the first time was awesome, I'm hoping she sticks around until 8:00 (when I'm finished). I'm also dying for a coffee, and I am going to reward myself with the biggest, fattest, sugariest drink ever when this is over. :-) Here's hoping the next hour and a half go quickly!

My ovary has a heartbeat (and other fun with the RE)

I had my RE appointment this afternoon and I must say, I am so impressed with this doctor.  He was so incredibly nice, and seemed to genuinely care about my concerns.

I met with him in his office as soon as I got there, and he spent about 20 minutes just asking me questions, looking at my charts, and discussing what might be going on with me.  He also asked how I was doing after our miscarriage, and spent several minutes talking to me about pregnancy loss.  He said thinks its a shame that miscarriage is such a "dirty little secret" in our society, and that he completely believes it is the loss of a child, and that he certainly views it that way and wishes other people would too.  I loved that he came right out and said that, and it was refreshing to hear a medical professional recognize what me and DH went through as an actual, human, emotional event, rather than another run-of-the-mill "spontaneous abortion".  (Don't even get me started on that terminology -- I HATE the word(s) "spontaneous abortion".  It seriously it makes my skin crawl.  There was absolutely nothing spontaneous nor abortive about what I went through, and to describe it as such feels so clinical and cold.  But I digress.) 

Annyyywayyy...  So my RE agreed I am definitely showing symptoms of PCOS that were concerning to him.  He also said that although my PCOS panel came back within the normal ranges, he also wanted an ultrasound of my ovaries just to make sure there were no cysts.  He also wanted to test me for congenital adrenal hyperplasia, which he says can present with the same symptoms as PCOS but would require a different course of treatment.  He also wanted to test me for insulin resistance, so I will be participating in a 2 hour glucose tolerance test at some point this week.  (I'm definitely not looking forward to that!).

So, after my meeting with the RE today, they took three vials of blood to test for these various conditions, and also gave me lab orders to have the 2 hour GTT done.  After the blood draw, I also had a transvaginal (aka "dildo cam") ultrasound with his tech there in the office.  She was also amazingly nice, and was much more "gentle" than the ultrasound tech who did my t/v ultrasound with Baby M.  During my ultrasound, the tech did tell me that my ovaries are really far apart from each other and sit really far off to each side.  As in, she could hardly find my left one with the dildo cam.  She did finally find it, and she said it was almost as far over as my femoral artery (which I guess is REALLY far).  She then turned on the sound from the ultrasound and sure enough, you could hear the blood whooshing in my artery so loud it echoed in the room.  (Aww, my ovary's heartbeat.  How special.)    I asked the tech if my ovaries being so far apart was a problem, but of course she couldn't really tell me anything.  But I definitely plan to ask the RE about it at my next appointment.  Which will be next Wednesday, after all of my test results have come back.

I have to say that after today, I am definitely looking forward to this next appointment.  I'm also anxious to see if my tests will show anything.  I guess we will know soon enough!

I'm such a slacker

I realized today I haven't updated my FF in 5 days.  Oops.  (Don't worry, I've been temping still, I just haven't been entering my info on FF.)  I think I'm really getting burned out on charting and obsessing over what my body is doing.  Last cycle really took a toll on my morale.  Its also still so early (for me) in my cycle that there is absolutely nothing to be excited about yet.  *sigh*

My appointment with the RE is tomorrow and I am looking forward to that at least.  I've been trying to get motivated to fill out the mondo packet of new patient paperwork they sent me. Wish me luck!

Test results -- round 1

My doctor called today with my test results from yesterday's blood draw.  He said my hormone levels were all within the normal ranges, so he does not think I have PCOS.  Which is GOOD news, but still doesn't explain why I am having the symptoms.

On to the RE!

Doctor appointment today

Well, my doctor's appointment today was not nearly as productive as I thought it would be.  From speaking with my doctor on the phone the other day, I expected we would go over my medical history, my charts, my symptoms, etc.  He had asked me to bring my charts, but then barely even glanced at them.  He also didn't examine me (I was ok with this) or even talk to me about PCOS at all.

All he did was order bloodwork and refer me to an RE.  He also kept saying I might need something to make me ovulate and the next step would probably be Clomid.  I told him I thought I was ovulating, just not very often, and that I wasn't comfortable immediately jumping to Clomid before we ruled out other things that might be going on.  I don't want to take Clomid... I want answers about what is going on with me!

I don't know what I was expecting from this appointment exactly, but I guess I thought it would be more productive than it was.  Something just felt off about the entire appointment.  As DH said, maybe my doctor just didn't know what else to do so he referred me to someone who would.  Either way, I did have my blood drawn and he said my results for the PCOS panel should be back in a few days.  And thankfully, I didn't have to wait long to get in to the RE -- my appointment is next Monday.  Hopefully he can finally give us some insight as to what is going on with me!