Decisions

DH and I have been talking about our TTC efforts recently.  Basically, we agree that what we are doing isn't working and something needs to change.

After some more research, discussion with a doctor friend who frequently prescribes fertility meds, and a healthy dose of heartbreak and desperation, DH and I are revisiting the idea of Clomid.  We are still both a little skeptical of the risks, but we have been assured that the risks associated with using the minimum dose for only a few cycles are very, very small.  We are hoping that it will at least give me shorter, more regular cycles and thus give us more chances at conceiving a healthy baby.  Plus, it seems to be the only real option left to try before more invasive and expensive treatments, and it sure as heck is cheaper than adoption. 

SO, if we are not successful this cycle, we are going to give Clomid a go.  If the Clomid doesn't work, then we will move forward with foster-adoption this summer. 

The foster-adopt situation is another reason why I am willing to reconsider Clomid.  I'm afraid we might be at a bit of a roadblock when it comes to foster-adoption.  I have continued looking into it, and it seems like fostering-to-adopt a newborn would be nearly impossible for us right now.  The main obstacle:  one parent must be able to stay home full-time in order to receive a newborn placement.  While I knew going into this that a stay-at-home-parent was looked favorably upon, I did not realize that, in practice (in our area at least), it is essentially a requirement, because infants in foster care cannot go to daycare until they are 12 weeks old.  Another obstacle is my job.  I work in child welfare, and have direct access to every case file on every family in our county whose children are in foster care.  I'm not sure how this would affect our eligibility to foster parent, but I am pretty sure that's a gigantic conflict of interest.  So basically, I would either need to quit my job (which we absolutely cannot afford at this point, as much as I hate to admit that), find a new job (which is impossible in this economy -- I know, I've been looking for months), or win the lottery so we can afford a private adoption.  *SIGH*

So, that is pretty much where we are at right now:  one more cycle au naturale, a few tries with Clomid, then moving to foster-adoption and praying that somehow it will work out for us.

Someday, somehow, we ARE going to be parents.

Spreading our news

We told my parents and siblings about our foster-adopt plans this weekend.  As I expected, they were all supportive.  My dad and stepmom didn't say too much about it (I think they got their hopes up when I said "we have news!" that it would be THAT news...), but my mom and siblings were SO excited and had the best reaction ever!  They all got these huge grins on their faces and couldn't stop smiling, and asked us lots of excited questions.  I'm so glad we told them and that they are all so happy for us.  Of course, I expected nothing less from them, but it still is a relief to know they support our decision and are as excited as we are about this!

A big announcement, and new (tentative) plan

Last night DH and I had our first real conversation about how much longer we were willing to TTC before exploring other options.  We have been discussing all of our options in the abstract for awhile now, but this was the first time we have seriously planned out where to go from here.  I'm really excited with what we decided.

We both agree that we are not comfortable starting Clomid right now, due to the risks and potential side effects involved.  Plus, I am ovulating on my own, so I'm not sure how much Clomid would actually help me anyway.  (Maybe we will re-evaluate this option further down the road, but neither me nor DH thinks this is the best choice for us at this time.)

So, that said... we have made the decision that, if we still can't get pregnant the next few cycles, we will move forward with adoption.  Specifically, we want to pursue foster-adopt, and with the hopes of being able to accept a placement this summer.  Adoption is something we both have wanted to pursue eventually anyway, regardless of whether we had any biological children.  We are just speeding up the process a bit.  :-)

Neither one of us is giving up on the idea of biological children, but we both want to be parents so badly and don't want to wait any longer to expand our family.  Of course if I did become pregnant that would be awesome, but I also have never had the burning desire that I MUST have biological children.  But I have always felt very strongly that I wanted to adopt children someday, and especially lately I have really been feeling a pull towards foster-adopt. 

I have been praying for nearly a year now for God to send us a child, and I am starting to wonder if maybe this is how He wants us to expand our family.  I have faith that He will make us parents one way or another.  I have done a lot of research on foster-adopt and really think it will be a good fit for me and DH.  I have also done several adoptions as an attorney, so I feel like I have a good idea of everything involved and that DH and I are pretty prepared to take this step.  And I am so happy to know that DH and I are on the same page, and that we have a real plan for moving forward!