CD1

Bright red bleeding today.  Chemical pregnancy #3 confirmed.

I cannot believe this happened to us again.

@^$*&#^$&*@#(&)&@!!!

This morning I got another BFN, followed by AF.

I can't believe this happened to me two cycles in a row.  I freaking hate my body and I hate this.

Its over

Well, if I was pregnant, I'm not any more.  CD1 hit with a vengeance today about an hour after I got to work.

I'm amazingly at peace with this entire situation.  I think the reality of not truly knowing whether this was a loss, or just a fluke of a test, has made it a little easier.  And I've been reminding myself, at least if it was a c/p, we were clearly able to get sperm to meet egg again.

I've made an early New Year's resolution:  no more early testing for me.  From here on out, I'm going to do my best to wait until my period is actually late (13 dpo) instead of starting testing at 9 dpo.  I don't want to play this "am-I-or-aren't-I" game again. 

I'm trying to stay optimistic.  I'm mostly just frustrated at this point.  I'm just ready to meet our take-home baby.

CD1

On to month 11 of trying. :-(

Game over

This morning I got another BFN at 12 dpo. At that point I was pretty sure this cycle would be another big fat failure.

This was confirmed when I got some red spotting this evening. I expect tomorrow will be full-on AF.

*sigh*

CD1 - so upset

Its over.  I started having EWCM yesterday (I usually get it before AF), and then I had some cramps last night and I knew what was coming.  Then I had some brown spotting before bed and I knew that was it.  Of course I had a gigantic temp drop this morning, along with my period. 

I'm so, so upset.  I cried myself to sleep last night, knowing it was over.  Every time I get my period, my heart breaks all over again thinking of what I went through with losing Baby M.  And every time I get my period is another emotionally painful reminder that I'm no longer pregnant and still not pregnant again.  I used to get bummed when I'd get my period before I was pregnant with Baby M, but for whatever reason it is so much more painful for me now that we've had a loss.  I know it breaks DH's heart to see me cry and to see me sad every cycle, and I absolutely hate that too.

I know it sounds stupid, but I was SURE that I was pregnant this cycle.  I really, really was.  I have never been more sure that I was pregnant, not even the cycle I actually was pregnant.  And I cannot believe I'm not pregnant YET AGAIN.  I'm feeling really upset and extremely defeated right now.  We have had perfect timing EVERY CYCLE.  I realize this is only half of the equation, but seriously?  There is nothing more we can do!  I'm just completely at a loss right now.  I don't know why God won't send us another baby.