Monday, April 18, 2011


(NOTE:  I apologize in advance for this long and rambling post!)

These past few weeks, I have been really, really conflicted about going back to work after Baby C arrives.

Ever since DH and I started talking about having kids, I've thought about how wonderful it would be to be able to stay home with them, at least while they are young.  Now that we have been through so much, and waited so long, to finally have a baby, I seriously cannot imagine how I will be able to leave him or her and go back to work.  Especially to a job that I don't love.  I already fight back tears just thinking about it, and I'm only 9 weeks pregnant!  I cannot imagine how much more strongly I will feel about it 30ish weeks from now.

The problem with this scenario is, DH and I aren't sure how we could afford for me to stay home.  DH is in medical school, and while he receives loan money each semester, its not enough to pay all of our bills.  I am the only one bringing in any real income, but it is still barely enough for us to scrape by.  Also, my current (government) job is grant-funded, our state is cutting the budget, and jobs, like crazy... and I haven't yet heard whether my grant will be renewed for the next year.  So, I may be unemployed and four months pregnant come June.  Obviously not ideal.

Before Baby C came along, I had been looking for another job, but there are just zero employment opportunities for attorneys in our area right now.  On a whim, I did apply for a different job a few weeks ago, not expecting to actually hear anything.  I got a call on Wednesday and had an interview on Friday.  My thoughts on how the interview went aside, this whole experience has really thrown me into a mid-pregnancy life crisis.  I'm not sure I want this new job.  I'm not sure I want to leave my current job that I feel mediocre towards, but where I love the people I work with and where my boss is super awesome and understanding, where I can pretty much come and go as I please, and where I would be eligible for FMLA come November... for a new job that pays barely more than I make now, in a different city that would involve a longer commute every day, where I probably wouldn't have the same flexibility, and where they would not be required to give me one second off when I have Baby C.  I also feel ethically weird about accepting a new job now, knowing I will need time off to have a baby six months after I start.

That, and I'm pretty sure I don't want any job, other than just being "Mommy".

Of course, none of this may even become an issue.  They probably won't even offer me this job.  Maybe my grant won't get renewed.  But then I have no idea what we will do.  I'm toying with the idea of going back to school.  I could do an online degree program through the university in our city, which would make me eligible for financial aid and would put my law school loans back into deferment, which would be a huge relief financially.  With a few minor adjustments to our lifestyle, we could most likely swing me not working if I was "back in school".  This would probably be the only way we could afford for me to stay home... I just don't know. 

I just don't want to be depressed and miserable over whichever option I choose. 


  1. I feel you on this one! I am freaking out about going back too. I keep telling my SO can't you just work another job too? Which he would without blinking but the economy is so bad it's lucky we both have jobs at this point. I have been trying to save up my time so I can take vacation after my maternity leave is up. Then I realized with all the morning appointments I have, then not making up the time because I am already exhausted I have used almost all of it! I am so upset. I work for medical billing and sometimes we get the option of working from home. I would have to ask our office courier to bring my mail to my house though. Everyday I get things from the bank here.

    Sorry now I went off in a rant. I know how you feel though! Hopefully we will have it all figured out soon. Good Luck!

  2. I know that this is easier said than done, but it sounds like there is not much point in worrying about this until a-you get the new job [wishing you lots of luck] or b-until you speak to you current employer. Having worked in HR a bit, I'd say that if you like your current boss, be honest with her. If the job opportunity materializes, you don't have to reply instantly, ask for a day or two to think about it. During that time, have a candid talk with your current boss, explaining that you have another offer, and you'd like to know if your current job is 'safe' and if you would qualify for mat leave. If the answer is favourable, then your problems might be solved...or at least postponed for a while. I hope it all works out!

  3. I sort of feel the same on some of this. I've been talking to DH because I too would like to stay home. Unfortunately that won't be able to happen since I'm the one that brings in the most $$$ and has the insurance. If I don't go back we'd stay without insurance which would be no bueno.

    I think the best option might be to stay where you are. Only because you are able to qualify for FMLA and you know for sure that you will get some time off to spend with LO. You also like your boss and the people you work with which is a plus. After having baby you will be trying to adjust to your new life :) I wouldn't want to also be trying to adjust to a new job. That's just my opinion. If the new job does offer you time off etc then maybe it might be a good consideration. Although I agree with pp if you do get an offer for the new job definitely talk to your boss and see if your current job is safe or not.

  4. Thank you all who responded! :-) The problem with my current job is that my boss has no control whatsoever over the situation. She is just waiting to hear from the state whether they are funding the grant or not. She did tell me that if my job gets cut, she can hire me part-time... but I in that case, I wouldn't get to keep my insurance. So its basically just a big waiting game.

    Mary, you made some excellent points about life after baby. The more I think about it, the more I think staying in my current position is the best decision, as long as it remains an option. :-)

  5. And if we can't swing me staying home, of course. ;-) Although I have a feeling, that would be quite the stretch...