Baby C has arrived!

You may have guessed from my absence that Baby C is finally here!  And we are obviously no longer Team Green... ITS A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Baby C arrived at 3:37 am on 11/15/11 (39 weeks, 3 days) after only 4.5 hours of labor -- Yes you read that correctly!  She weighed in at 7 pounds, 12 ounces and 21 inches long.  She is absolutely beautiful and perfect in every way.  :-)  DH and I are so beyond in love with her! 

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And for those of you who are interested, the (med-free) birth story:

I had fallen asleep on the couch watching tv on the evening of the 14th. I woke up around 11:00 pm thinking maybe I was having contractions, but they weren't too painful.  DH and I started cleaning up the house a bit "just in case", although he wasn't convinced this wasn't a false alarm.  Soon I noticed the contractions were coming every 5-8 mins, and that I had started bleeding. The blood was more than I expected for (what I thought was) early labor, so around 12:30 am I called L&D to see if I should come in. The nurse assured me some bleeding was normal and to come in when my contractions were 4-5 minutes apart.

About 30 minutes after hanging up the phone, my contractions were consistently coming every 2-4 minutes and lasting a minute or more each. DH and I decided it was time to go. I had at least 3-4 contractions during the 10 minute drive to the hospital. By the time we arrived at the hospital, I was 7 cm with a bulging bag of waters. I don't think anyone (me and DH included) expected me to be that far along! The fact that I had already progressed that far without too much pain gave me a huge confidence boost that I could actually succeed with the med-free delivery I had hoped for.

The next bit of the story is kind of a blur. I met the on-call doctor (who was amazing by the way) and told him I wanted to do this naturally and asked if he was open to me trying different positions while pushing, instead of flat on my back. Thankfully he was super laid back and said I could do whatever I wanted. I remember having a LOT of pressure during this time and thinking the baby was about to fall out, but the rest is pretty much a blur. I remember joking with the doctors and nurses in between contractions and swearing under my breath (and then apologizing to everyone) during contractions. I also remember when my water broke because it was such a weird feeling. I was kind of squatting at the edge of the bed, trying not to push, and it just exploded like I'd been hit by a water balloon in the crotch. lol I know I finally told the nurse that the baby was coming and my body was pushing it out without me. She called for the doctor but I guess he was taking too long, because she decided to check me. She couldn't even find the other side of my cervix and called me complete around 2:45 am.

She must have successfully paged someone, because before I knew it the on-call doctor, a resident, and two other nurses appeared and started breaking down the bed. I used the squat bar for a little while and really liked it, but I was exhausted and my legs got too tired so I stopped. Then I got on all fours and that's where I stayed until Baby C was born. Pushing really wasn't that painful -- it was such a relief to be able to push against the pressure -- but it was really hard work. And it was very surreal, I could feel Baby C move down every time I pushed. After about 45 minutes of pushing she was finally out! DH is in medical school and the doctor let him "catch" and cut the cord, and he was the one to announce we had a baby girl. That was really really special for both of us that he got to do those things.  :-)

The only bit of drama is that Baby C apparently took a big gulp of fluid on her way out and was sounding a little gurgly when she was first born, so they took her to get checked out while I delivered the placenta and got cleaned up. I had a 2nd degree tear inside my vagina, but it was small and only took a few stitches to fix. By the time I was fixed up Baby C had checked out just fine (7/8 Apgars) and I finally got to meet my baby girl!

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DH and I still can't believe she is here and are totally in love. I also still can't believe how lucky I was having such a fast and easy delivery. My recovery has been great and Baby C is breastfeeding like a champ.  I truly could not have asked for a better delivery or a more perfect baby.  :-)

I will do my best to keep posting on this blog, but it might be sporadic as Baby C eats (what feels like) constantly and I'm trying to get a little rest in between. 

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Full Term!

Holy crap, as of yesterday, Baby C is full-term.  Creepy-floating-baby-ticker says 20 days until my due date... HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

I'm spending today doing some baby laundry and putting away the rest of the gifts Baby C received at our last baby shower.  I'm kind of running out of time, lol. 

I can't believe he or she could theoretically be here any day now!

20 weeks!

How far along?  20 weeks, 5 days. 

Weight gain/loss:   Actually down 0.6 pounds from my last post two weeks ago.  However, upon further reflection, I think that week's weight gain (3.2 pounds!) was artificially high, due to DH and I going out with friends for dinner the night before and me eating waaaay too much.  I weighed in a full 1.6 pounds less than that at 19 weeks, and then gained one pound exactly from 19 weeks to 20 weeks.  (Confused by all of the numbers yet?  lol)  Long story short -- I am now up 6.4 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight. 

Maternity clothes?  Yes, still. 

Stretch marks?  Not yet.

Sleep?  Finally feeling not so tired.  Thank goodness!

Best moment this week?  Last night, Baby C was going crazy in my ute, so I pushed my fingers into my belly where s/he was kicking... and Baby C kicked my hand!  It was so cool!

Food cravings:  Nothing significant that I can think of this week.

Gender:  I still say boy.  DH still thinks girl.

Belly button in or out?  In, but I think it is starting to get more shallow.  DH was actually the first to notice!

Movement?  I am feeling Baby C every day now (hooray!).  Usually s/he has a really active spell between 7:00-9:00 each morning, occasionally once in the afternoon, and pretty much every night after dinner.  I love it!

What I miss?  Nothing this week.

What I'm looking forward to:  Vacation!  DH and I are leaving tomorrow for 9 days, so I will probably miss next week's post.  Sorry, readers!  ;-)

Milestones:  Being half-baked!

Half-baked (and oops)!

Well as of today, I am officially half-baked!  I can't believe I am halfway through this pregnancy already... what a relief!  Now, if only November could hurry up and get here...

Also, I realized I forgot to do my weekly post this week.  Oops!  DH and I had company and I was busy spending time with them and it completely slipped my mind until today, which was obviously too late.  I will have to do a better job next week!  haha

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday weekend!  Happy 4th of July!  :-)

A/S results

Great news!  The anatomy scan went well and DH and I are finally breathing a sigh of relief.

Everything the tech could see looks great.  Baby C was being pretty stubborn though and moving ALL over the place, so the tech couldn't get all of the heart measurements she needed.  We will be going back in a month to try the heart measurements again, but the tech said from what she saw she does not think there are any problems.  Everything else was measuring normally.  We are SO relieved!

Baby C weighs about 10 ounces, is head down (I told it to stay that way!), and his/her little feet are exactly where I've been feeling all of its little kicks!  It was nice to get validation that I wasn't hallucinating about feeling the movements.  Also, he or she is measuring FIVE days ahead from all of our other scans... so we may have a little porker on our hands!  haha  

Because s/he was moving so much, it was hard for the tech to get good photos.  But here is one of the better ones.  :-) 

 

 Thank you all for the good thoughts today!

One year ago

One year ago today, DH and I found out we had lost Baby M. It was one of the worst days of my life. I cannot believe it has been been an entire year already. I still remember the feeling of my heart breaking like it was yesterday.

At the same time, DH and I are so blessed to now be expecting Baby C. Today is bittersweet, because while I still grieve over losing Baby M, I know we would not now have Baby C if it weren't for Baby M.

Thank you Baby M for being in our lives, even for a brief moment. You brought us so much excitement and joy. You will always be my first baby. I love you with all of my heart and think about you every day.

I still can't believe you are gone.

Pants party!

I know, I know, so much about pants lately! But I am so excited I just had to share... I BOUGHT A PAIR OF PANTS!!! AND THEY ARE LONG ENOUGH! Hooray!

At the suggestion of another Bumpie (and after an "I'm so frustrated I'm going to cry" post on PgAL), I went back to Motherhood Maternity to look for their "long" dress pants. They had one pair in the store, in my size, in long. And, despite being labeled as a 34 inch inseam, they FIT!!! I seriously still can't believe it, but I am so relieved! With my next paycheck I plan to buy some more. haha I'm so excited!

So, if any of you readers out there find yourself too tall for maternity pants, try the longs at Motherhood Maternity! And they also have "petites" for all you shorties, *cough* Christina *cough* ;-)

WHOO HOO!!!!

8 week ultrasound and appt

Look how big Baby C is!  Measuring exactly on target and now with a heart rate of 180.  The ultrasound tech kept commenting on how "great" and "wonderful" everything looks, which is so nice to hear.  And look, Baby C was looking right at us, and even waving at us the whole time!  (Ok, ok, I know his/her limbs are kind of stuck like that right now... but I prefer to think he or she is waving!  lol)

So now all I have left is my last RE appointment on the 25th (so sad), and then I will start seeing my old OB regularly.  I actually had my OB intake appointment with the nurse this afternoon right before my ultrasound appointment.  It went better than my last one (mentioned here), but was still annoying.  The nurse taking my medical history didn't even know what a chemical pregnancy was, so I had to explain it to her and then tell her over and over how many losses/pregnancies I've had.  I can't tell you how fun THAT was.  (At least she was nice and not a raging you-know-what like my last intake nurse.) Then I had to go for blood work.  More fun!

So that was pretty much it today.  My next two appointments will be the afternoon of the 25th.  DH and I decided that its probably time I should tell my boss, since things seem to be going well and I will need to continue missing work for doctor's appointments.  She also already knows most of our loss history, so news of my pregnancy will not be shocking to her.   She actually had a full-term stillbirth herself years ago, so she completely empathizes with me and has been awesomely understanding through this whole process.  I am sure she will be thrilled for us, so I'm not too nervous to tell her.  I think I'm going to do it tomorrow.

Eek!  This is really finally starting to feel real!

Heartbeat!!!

We had our first ultrasound this morning (if you hadn't noticed from the photo... lol).  Everything is looking perfect!  Baby C is measuring 6w 1d with a strong little heartbeat of 130 bpm!  Praise Jesus!  DH and I are SO excited and SO relieved!

After the ultrasound, DH and I had to wait around for a few minutes to meet with the nurse and schedule our 8 week scan.  During that time, several of the other nurses came and congratulated us.  It was so cute!  They were so sweet, and seemed genuinely happy for us.  I absolutely love the nurses at my RE's office, and I'm going to miss them (and how nice they are) when I transfer back to my regular OB.

Speaking of my regular OB... I also scheduled my first appointment with him today, per my RE's suggestion.  I have to go for my "intake appointment" (a.k.a. bloodwork and getting talked down to by a nurse who thinks she knows more than you about everything) on April 11th.  I tried to get out of this appointment because it was a seriously horrible experience the last time, but they told me it is required and that they won't let me see my doctor until I go through the intake.  This did not make me happy, but as I told DH some battles just aren't worth fighting.  The receptionist at least scheduled me to meet with a different nurse than the bitch nurse I had with Baby M, so I'm hoping it goes more smoothly this time around.

So I will have my OB intake appointment on April 11th, then my next RE appointment later that same day.  Then, my first real appointment with my OB will be April 25th, which will probably also be the same day as my last RE appointment.  So many appointments!  But of course I don't mind.  :-) 

HOORAY FOR HEARTBEATS!!!!

Second beta and 4 weeks

I went in for my second beta this morning.  The nurse just called -- my betas today were 66.8!!!  They more than doubled, and the nurse said things look fantastic... well, as fantastic as things can be at 4 weeks!  I am so relieved.  My RE wants to do a 6 week, 8 week, and 10 week ultrasound before releasing me to my regular OB.  My 6 week scan (to look for a heartbeat, eek!) is scheduled for March 28th.  I can't wait!  I think I will finally be able to believe this is real once we are able to see the heartbeat.

So far I am feeling great.  My boobs are still sore and continue to swell, and I am exhausted most of the time, but since I am all of five minutes pregnant I am blaming that on the progesterone I'm taking and not the baby (yet). 

And now, because this is officially the second-longest I have ever been pregnant... my 4 week post!

How far along?  4 weeks, 0 days.

Weight gain/loss:  None yet, just bloating.

Maternity clothes?  Not yet, but I might switch to my maternity jeans (from last time) soon if the bloating gets worse.

Stretch marks?  Not yet.

Sleep?  No issues yet.

Best moment this week?  Getting a BFP and hearing that my betas are doubling!

Food cravings:  None yet.

Gender:  I know its early, but I think it is a boy.

Belly button in or out?  In, of course.

Movement?  No, WAAY too early!

What I miss?  Nothing yet!

What I'm looking forward to:  My 6 week ultrasound and (hopefully!) seeing a healthy heartbeat.

Milestones:  Making it to 4 weeks was a HUGE milestone, considering my previous chemical pregnancies all ended before the 4 week mark!

EDD

I have thought about writing this post all day.  I hadn't said anything yet, because I honestly didn't know what else to say.

Tomorrow is my EDD.  DH and I should have been meeting Baby M this week.  And while I have fixated on this milestone, now that it is only a few hours away, it all feels very surreal.  I just cannot wrap my mind around the fact that we could have had a newborn any day now.

Maybe it is just a defense mechanism to keep myself from feeling depressed, but I truly just feel numb.  After the roller coaster of these past 7 1/2 months, tomorrow feels like just another day.  

Don't get me wrong.  I still remember the exhilarating excitement me and DH shared when we found out we were expecting.  I also remember the heart-shattering, devastating sadness I felt when the u/s tech told us there was no heartbeat.  And I still miss Baby M just as much as I did when I realized he or she was gone.  But thankfully, every day continues to get a little bit easier.  And I'm comforted by the fact that Baby M is in heaven with God, watching over me and DH, and knowing how much we love him or her.

Thinking of you Baby M, tomorrow and always. <3

Happy New Year

I cannot believe it is now 2011.  Almost one year ago today we began trying for a baby, and I thought for sure we would have one by now.  Or that I would at least be expecting one.

Of course, I should be gigantically pregnant right now and ready to meet Baby M in 17 days.  Needless to say, 2010 did not go as planned.

Here's hoping 2011 is better for all of us.  Happy New Year to all of you.

Frustrated

I've been feeling really frustrated lately.

Frustrated, of course, that it is taking us so long to conceive a healthy baby.

Frustrated that I probably only have one, maybe two, more chances to get pregnant before our EDD/one-year anniversary of TTC (yes, both of those lovely milestones are on the same day).

Frustrated that everyone else in the world is having babies except for me and DH (including the annoying girl from law school who I cannot stand, and cannot be happy for, no matter how hard I try).

Frustrated that me not being happy for other people's pregnancy annoucements makes me feel like a monster.

Frustrated that (well-meaning) people constantly make comments about when we are going to have kids, and frustrated with how that makes me feel (like I want to punch them in the face, and then go cry).

Frustrated that people who do know about our struggles keep saying the wrong douchebag things ("Maybe it will happen when you stop thinking about it"... thanks Mom!).

Frustrated that there is nothing medically wrong with me, and there is nothing more we can do... and yet I still cannot get pregnant (despite having perfect timing every.single.cycle.).

And worst of all, I'm frustrated that DH is getting frustrated with me.  He is so incredibly supportive, but I know he struggles with watching me on my sad days.  I know he hates seeing me sad.  And its not like I'm sad all the time, but some days are more difficult than others.  I know I'm ok, but I think DH is starting to worry.  I just wish I could go back to being my old, happy (99.9% of the time) self, and not worry about these things... and not be so frustrated about all of these things I can't control.  :-(

12 dpo - BFN

Two more BFNs this morning.  Two because I dipped my first test and definitely saw "something"... there was definitely a shadow or something where the second line should be.  (This is exactly what happened the last time we got a BFP -- the line was so so faint it looked like a shadow of a line, but it was definitely there.)  I excitedly dipped a second test, hoping to replicate this second almost-line... but to no avail.  No matter how hard I looked, and no matter how many different light sources and angles I looked from, I just didn't see the same "something" on that second test.  :-(

So now I'm feeling pretty bummed and am really starting to lose hope for this cycle.  I just hate this because I was SO excited and really, truly thought that this was our month.  I mean, I get my hopes up every month, but between our awesome timing this cycle plus my chart being practically a carbon copy of my last BFP chart, I REALLY thought this was it for us.  I know I'm only 12 dpo and certainly not out yet, but it seems like if I was actually pregnant I should be getting some kind of faint faint line or something by now.  At least I didn't have a temp drop this morning, so I still have a shred of hope.  But I'm finding it really difficult to remain optimistic at this point.

I also had a depressing thought this morning.  While throwing my pity party, I realized that our EDD, January 18, 2011, is also the one-year anniversary to the day of when we started TTC.   I can't believe we have to have both of those milestones on one day.  Of course, I also can't believe we are coming up on a year of trying and still have absolutely nothing to show for it.  When we first started TTC I naively thought we would already have a baby by now... Not that we would still be trying and facing the same disappointment month after month.  I realize I will still get two (or possibly three, if my cycles cooperate) more chances to become pregnant before January, but my hope is fading fast.

I'm just feeling really defeated by the whole process at this point, especially after being so sure that this month was going to be our month.  :-(