Monday, January 17, 2011


I have thought about writing this post all day.  I hadn't said anything yet, because I honestly didn't know what else to say.

Tomorrow is my EDD.  DH and I should have been meeting Baby M this week.  And while I have fixated on this milestone, now that it is only a few hours away, it all feels very surreal.  I just cannot wrap my mind around the fact that we could have had a newborn any day now.

Maybe it is just a defense mechanism to keep myself from feeling depressed, but I truly just feel numb.  After the roller coaster of these past 7 1/2 months, tomorrow feels like just another day.  

Don't get me wrong.  I still remember the exhilarating excitement me and DH shared when we found out we were expecting.  I also remember the heart-shattering, devastating sadness I felt when the u/s tech told us there was no heartbeat.  And I still miss Baby M just as much as I did when I realized he or she was gone.  But thankfully, every day continues to get a little bit easier.  And I'm comforted by the fact that Baby M is in heaven with God, watching over me and DH, and knowing how much we love him or her.

Thinking of you Baby M, tomorrow and always. <3


  1. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier, and it eventually does, but not yet. For me it was also hard to see others deliver at my due date and then watch their kids grow, and realize how old Adrian would have been now. There is no easy road out of this one. Hugs.

  2. Sending you some strength and thought of comfort as you face tomorrow. I hope each day continues to be a little bit better than the one before it.

  3. ((((Hugs)))) I hate that we have to go through these milestones. I really hope that it gets better. I will be thinking of you, your husband and Baby M tomorrow. Sending you lots and lots of hugs!

  4. linz85 from TTCAL stopping by to give you many hugs, thoughts and prayers to help you make it through.. HUGS!