Wednesday, September 15, 2010

TTC Humor

One of the lovely ladies on TTCAL posted these the other night, and I thought they were absolutely hilarious... Mostly because I can completely relate to (almost) all of them! lol  
In case you missed it, here are the lists:

How to Pee on a Stick:

Step 1...Pee on the stick. (must be sure to hold it under urine stream for a heartbeat longer than recommended just to be sure).

Step 2...Stare at stick while you continue peeing. Feel heart jump when urine passes over the spot where the line would be and it hitches for a second, then gets a dark line...then keeps going, taking your dark line with it to the test window.

Step 3...Place on bathroom counter. Pretend not to stare at it. Let's try to give yourself busy work to keep from looking at it. In fact, your toilet now gets cleaned once per day.

Step 4...Tell yourself you are expecting a BFN. Then start to mist up when you see that it is, in fact, a BFN. Stare at the blank spot for a full minute before picking it up.

Step 5...First, go to window and check it under day light.

Step 5...Now, stand on toilet to be closer to light in ceiling. Check strip.

Step 6...Close one eye. Squint other eye.

Step 7...Turn on several lamps around house. Hold strip under lamp. Check strip.

Step 8...Hold strip OVER lamp. Check strip.

Step 9...Hold strip in front of lamp so light shines THROUGH strip, just in case.

Step 10...Pull stick apart. Hesitate for a heartbeat when you realize you are holding the still wet "wick" in one hand, then continue the destruction.

Step 11...Repeat Steps 5-9.

Step 12...Throw stick away.

Step 13...Pick stick back up out of trash.

Step 14...Repeat Steps 12 and 13 the rest of the day!

You Know You're TTC When...

The Big 'O' no longer refers to orgasm, but instead to ovulation.

You show everyone who will look at your bbt charts.

Every twinge is a potential sign: ovulation pain OR perhaps implantation.

It no longer strikes you as the least bit odd to check out at the pharmacy with both HPTs and tampons in your cart.

You schedule your social events around your ovulation day.

If your OPK comes up +, you cancel all social engagements that night so you can BD & lie with your legs elevated and butt up in the air afterwards.

You talk using mysterious acronymns that only your ttc buddies understand: ttc, BD, ewcm, bbt, opk, 2ww.

Your morning motto is: "Don't talk to me until I've taken my temperature".

You take your temperature more than once a day (committed TTCer).

You refuse to finish decorating that 3rd bedroom in your new house, because you can't stand the thought of getting it just the way you want it only to have to tear it apart next month in order to make room for the nursery you'll be needing.

You put off buying any fall/winter clothes, because you hope they won't fit by the time the weather gets cooler.

You clip coupons for OPKs and HPTs.

Your doctor says, "Now take these home and inject this needle into your stomach every day" and you don't even flinch.

You spend more on OPKs, HPTs, and fertility supplements than you do on clothes.

The thought of nausea makes your heart skip a beat!

You make a mental note of what day of your cycle it is before you say "ok" to a drink.

You get sick but make sure you can take the medicine in case you are pregnant...and would rather stay sick if you can't take the medicine.

You finally look forward to mornings! Another opportunity to take and record your temp!

You refer (and think) of your husband, not as his real name, but as the letters "DH" in real life.

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