Monday, September 27, 2010

CD1 - so upset

Its over.  I started having EWCM yesterday (I usually get it before AF), and then I had some cramps last night and I knew what was coming.  Then I had some brown spotting before bed and I knew that was it.  Of course I had a gigantic temp drop this morning, along with my period. 

I'm so, so upset.  I cried myself to sleep last night, knowing it was over.  Every time I get my period, my heart breaks all over again thinking of what I went through with losing Baby M.  And every time I get my period is another emotionally painful reminder that I'm no longer pregnant and still not pregnant again.  I used to get bummed when I'd get my period before I was pregnant with Baby M, but for whatever reason it is so much more painful for me now that we've had a loss.  I know it breaks DH's heart to see me cry and to see me sad every cycle, and I absolutely hate that too.

I know it sounds stupid, but I was SURE that I was pregnant this cycle.  I really, really was.  I have never been more sure that I was pregnant, not even the cycle I actually was pregnant.  And I cannot believe I'm not pregnant YET AGAIN.  I'm feeling really upset and extremely defeated right now.  We have had perfect timing EVERY CYCLE.  I realize this is only half of the equation, but seriously?  There is nothing more we can do!  I'm just completely at a loss right now.  I don't know why God won't send us another baby.


  1. Oh hun I'm so sorry. I too think your chart was awesome this cycle. I can't believe it didn't happen. I'm hoping, reallly really hoping this next cycle is the one. Sending you (((((Big Hugs))))

  2. Thank you. I really appreciate your support and virtual hugs. :-)