"What I Want You to Know: Infertility"

Kristen at "Rage Against the Minivan" posted an awesome guest post, "What I Want You to Know: Infertility".  Although the writer struggles with infertility, her post touches on many of my feelings about TTC in general and I'm sure most of my fellow TTCAL readers can relate as well.  Enjoy!

CD1

Bright red bleeding today.  Chemical pregnancy #3 confirmed.

I cannot believe this happened to us again.

BFP and BFNs

Sorry for the silence these past several days.  I was waiting in the hopes that I could actually write that post about eating my words.  

I got a BFP on Thursday, at 11 dpo.  A clear, but faint, pink line that appeared before the 5 minute read time allowed by my tests. 

I was so excited, I was shaking.  I have never seen a line that clear appear that quickly before, so I thought that surely this must be it!  I immediately tried confirming with another internet cheapie, which came up negative.  I ran and grabbed one of my FRERs, thinking surely it would confirm my positive.  Of course it was a BFN.  I was slightly disheartened, but thought maybe I just got lucky with a super sensitive cheapie and that it was just too early for these other tests.  

Friday morning I tested again, fully expecting to confirm my positive result from the day before.  Two more BFNs.  

At this point I called my doctors office again.  My RE wanted me to come in for a beta and to check my progesterone levels, so I went yesterday morning.  I really, truly thought I would get a positive result.  The nurse called yesterday afternoon:  my betas came back as "below 5" (obviously NOT pregnant) and my progesterone level was 6.78 (9 is the minimum they want to see for pregnancy).  

To say I was upset by this news is an understatement.  At best, the machine in their lab hadn't been properly calibrated before they ran my test, and the numbers were just off.  At worst (and most likely), I was pregnant and now I'm not.  And the nurse wasn't very helpful, she just kept telling me it was too early and I shouldn't even be testing yet because this is what happens.  (She was nice about it, but still, not helpful at this point!)  The nurse said I could either continue taking my progesterone and they could test my levels again on Monday, or stop the progesterone and wait for my period.  I decided to keep taking it and keep testing this weekend and see what happens. 

So far, another BFN this morning, but my temp is still rising.  I'm not hopeful, but I'm not giving up until the fat AF sings.

*Sigh*

I'm pretty sure this cycle is a bust.

My temps have been pretty dismal the past three days, and so far today I have had multiple strings of EWCM and also some cramping.  WTF, body?  I figured the progesterone would raise my temps, give me increased creamy CM, and might even delay my period... not that I would have dropping temps and pre-AF EWCM at 9 dpo.  Frustrating!

(And yes, I did test this morning.  BFN.  DH and I are snowed in and celebrating with a drinking snow day, so I had to be sure.  Also, waiting to test until AF was due sure didn't spare me any heartache these past few cycles, so what's the point?)

Of course, I would be love to eat these words in a few days, if by some miracle I did turn up pregnant.  But I'm not holding my breath.

Spoke too soon

So you know how yesterday I was saying I haven't had any side effects from the progesterone?  Well, today I wake up and HOLY WOW, my boobs are sore.  And its gotten progressively worse all day. 

I think it's safe to say the pills are working!

6 dpo... no news

 

Today I am 6 dpo, and so far, nothing exciting to report.  FF did actually give me CHs at 3 dpo... on CD15.  Now, I know FF was likely confused because of my missing temps, but seriously?!  I did not ovulate three days before my +OPK, silly FF!  I had to override and set FF straight.

On another moderately-related note... prometrium is MESSY!  I'll spare you the details, but those hot pink pills dissolve... and as they say, what goes up must come down.  And they kind of look like Skittles, which is just totally weird to think about.  LOL

I'm taking 200 mg per day, but so far I haven't noticed any side effects.  Which I know I should be thankful for, but I kind of expected some kind of sign to tell me they were working.  Has anyone else taken these and not had any symptoms?

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Here we go again

I'm 99% sure I ovulated on Sunday.  I base this on the fact that I almost always get a +OPK, followed by an O dip (either the next day or two days post- +OPK), followed by a temp spike (always the day after the dip).  Since my temp on Monday was higher than my previous seven recorded temps, I'm going to assume I did actually ovulate on Sunday.

I still can't believe I missed these two most crucial temps ever! Do'h!

Normally this wouldn't really matter, and I would just deal with not knowing and wait out the 2ww.  However, this cycle I am supposed to start my progesterone at 3 dpo, so its kind of crucial to know when that would be!  I'm planning to start tomorrow, so we will see how this goes. 

On a random semi-related note, I also had a decent amount of brown spotting today.  I have never had spotting so early in my cycle before, so I am wondering if maybe it could be related to ovulation?  Maybe I really did ovulate a litter this month!  lol