Hysteroscopy results

Well, I had my hysteroscopy today.  And I have to say, it was definitely worse than a pap.

I didn't really feel anything at all while my RE was prepping me and injecting the saline.  But as soon as he inserted the camera, my entire cervix/uterine region started violently cramping like nothing I've ever felt before.  At one point I really thought I might pass out.  It wasn't even pain, really, just extreme, intense cramps radiating through my body.  It was really, really uncomfortable, but thankfully it only lasted a few minutes.  After the actual procedure was over, my cramping subsided pretty quickly.  I have still been having bouts of cramping on and off all afternoon -- and leaking saline and iodine, fun! -- but my RE warned me this would probably happen and is totally normal.  (I actually had several pretty strong cramps just as I was sitting up to write this; I think my ute might be dealing with some PTSD!) 

The good news is that my RE did not find any abnormal tissue in my uterus!  He said my cervix and ute look great, and my tubes (what he could see of them, at least) are totally clear. Which is WONDERFUL news!  He thinks the dark spot he saw on the ultrasound must have been either a blood clot or a growth of uterine lining/polyp that shed itself during one of these past two cycles since the ultrasound.  At any rate, I am completely healthy and do not need surgery -- for which I am so, so thankful and totally relieved to hear. 

So, the official diagnosis:  recurrent pregnancy loss due to poor quality uterine lining.  (At this point, my RE does not think we need to do an RPL panel, since those primarily test for genetic issues and clotting disorders.  He still does not believe either of these are my issue, since both would manifest themselves later in a pregnancy, after implantation, and I obviously am not even getting that far.)  He did prescribe progesterone that I am to start taking this cycle after ovulation.  He seems to think this will improve my lining and increase my chance of having a successful implantation, so I'm definitely ready to give it a try.  I am just so relieved to finally have a real diagnosis, and that my diagnosis is something that we can easily treat!

Thank you all again for your support and encouragement yesterday and today, both here and on TTCAL.  It means more to me than you know!

Appointment today, hysteroscopy tomorrow

I had my RE appointment today.  He does believe I had chemical pregnancies these past two cycles.  Because I have already had pretty much every hormone level imaginable tested, and we've ruled out PCOS, he believes I am having an issue with implantation.  (This was also the non-medical opinion of me and DH, so I'm glad we are all on the same page.)

When I got to his office for my appointment, he was looking at my ultrasound from when they checked my ovaries back in November.  (One of the many things I love about this RE is that we always meet in his personal office, not in some sterile exam room, and he always talks to me like a person and not at me like I'm just some medical chart.  But I digress.)  He was looking at a side profile of my ute and showed me this small dark spot.  He said he had noticed it before, but because at that point he was concerned about PCOS, and I had no symptoms to suggest a problem with my ute, he didn't think anything of it.  But now that I've had two failed implantations, he believes that dark spot may be something in my uterus which is preventing implantation.  He said it is probably a polyp, which are apparently very common and almost always benign.  But there is a very small possibility it could also be retained tissue from my miscarriage, or something else, or it could be nothing at all.

At any rate, he wanted to go in and get a good look at it.  So, I am scheduled for a hysteroscopy tomorrow.  If there is a polyp or some other tissue, he said that is likely the cause of my chemical pregnancies, because anything abnormal in the uterus can affect the lining and prevent implantation.  If it turns out there is nothing out of the ordinary inside my ute, then he believes there is an issue with my lining, which he said we could easily treat with progesterone. 

I'm not really even nervous for this procedure tomorrow, just anxious to see what my RE finds.  He said most patients report it is no worse than a pap smear, but I may have some cramping afterwards.  So it doesn't sound like that big of a deal.  I am slightly nervous he might find something in my uterus that will need to come out, but either way, at least we will have finally pinpointed a problem that can be corrected pretty easily.  And that would be such a relief.  Hopefully tomorrow I will have an answer either way!

Test results -- round 2

Yesterday was my follow-up RE appointment to go over my test results.

Drum roll please?

They found... nothing! Every single test they ran, my hormone levels came back exactly smack in the middle of the normal range.  Which is of course great news that I am healthy, but it definitely doesn't make me any less frustrated.  Actually, I think it is more frustrating, because at least if something was wrong we could actively work on fixing it.  My RE did suggest I start Clomid next cycle, but I don't think I'm comfortable taking that step yet (and I know DH isn't). 

While I was at my appointment, I also asked my RE about what the tech said about my ovaries being really far apart.  He said this was not a problem, and that he has never had a patient where that was what was keeping her from getting pregnant.  I asked if he thought a super-long journey through my tubes might be causing decreased egg quality, and if it might have contributed to our loss.  He assured me that he did not believe this was an issue.  He also said he didn't see any cysts or anything on my ovaries from the ultrasound, which is of course also great news.

So, the official diagnosis?  Unexplained anovulation.  It is frustrating, but I just keep telling myself that at least I am healthy and that we are doing everything we can do to have another baby.  I think we're going to just keep trying and praying for a few more cycles, and then maybe re-evaluate the Clomid option.  I really hope we get a BFP soon so we don't even have to consider it.

Survivor

I survived my glucose tolerance test! Although my arm is definitely not happy. The bruise is getting darker by the hour.



I just hope all of this poking and prodding pays off.

20 minutes in...

...to my glucose tolerance test. So far, so good. The Glucola wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be; it reminded me of that flat orange drink we used to get in gallon jugs at Walmart when I was a kid. And thank GOD the phlebotomist didn't miss my vein. One stick down, two to go.

I was absolutely terrified of doing this this morning. I have had a paralyzing fear of needles for as long as I could remember. As in, I legitimately used to have full-on, completely involuntary, panic attacks that would cause me to hyperventilate and shake uncontrollably and sometimes require oxygen. At one point my doctor prescribed Valium for me to take prior to some blood work, and even with two of those in my system I still had an attack and had to be held down. Good times!

When we started talking about TTC last year, I decided I needed to get a grip, since pregnancy (and TTC, as I have now learned) involves a whole lot of needles. I went to several sessions of hypnotherapy with a very good doctor and he really, really helped me. I still don't enjoy having blood drawn, but I can sit in the chair like a big kid (squeezing the bejeesus out of DH's hand, of course) and I can do it without hyperventilating or having an embarrassing meltdown.

But so far I have only "tested" my recovery in single-blood draw-increments. I now know I can hold it together for a single needle stick, with plenty of time in between to recover. I even survived a blood draw all by myself at the RE the other day (see previous post -- I wasn't expecting to have any labs drawn during the appointment so I didn't make DH come with me). But I honestly was not sure if I could keep my composure and stay calm knowing I would be stuck THREE TIMES in TWO HOURS this morning. I hardly slept last night dreading what was coming. I woke up at least three times that I can remember, jerking myself awake and just generally freaking out.

So, long story short, I was majorly panicking and am now majorly relieved that so far I am doing ok. The phlebotomist who drew me the first time was awesome, I'm hoping she sticks around until 8:00 (when I'm finished). I'm also dying for a coffee, and I am going to reward myself with the biggest, fattest, sugariest drink ever when this is over. :-) Here's hoping the next hour and a half go quickly!

My ovary has a heartbeat (and other fun with the RE)

I had my RE appointment this afternoon and I must say, I am so impressed with this doctor.  He was so incredibly nice, and seemed to genuinely care about my concerns.

I met with him in his office as soon as I got there, and he spent about 20 minutes just asking me questions, looking at my charts, and discussing what might be going on with me.  He also asked how I was doing after our miscarriage, and spent several minutes talking to me about pregnancy loss.  He said thinks its a shame that miscarriage is such a "dirty little secret" in our society, and that he completely believes it is the loss of a child, and that he certainly views it that way and wishes other people would too.  I loved that he came right out and said that, and it was refreshing to hear a medical professional recognize what me and DH went through as an actual, human, emotional event, rather than another run-of-the-mill "spontaneous abortion".  (Don't even get me started on that terminology -- I HATE the word(s) "spontaneous abortion".  It seriously it makes my skin crawl.  There was absolutely nothing spontaneous nor abortive about what I went through, and to describe it as such feels so clinical and cold.  But I digress.) 

Annyyywayyy...  So my RE agreed I am definitely showing symptoms of PCOS that were concerning to him.  He also said that although my PCOS panel came back within the normal ranges, he also wanted an ultrasound of my ovaries just to make sure there were no cysts.  He also wanted to test me for congenital adrenal hyperplasia, which he says can present with the same symptoms as PCOS but would require a different course of treatment.  He also wanted to test me for insulin resistance, so I will be participating in a 2 hour glucose tolerance test at some point this week.  (I'm definitely not looking forward to that!).

So, after my meeting with the RE today, they took three vials of blood to test for these various conditions, and also gave me lab orders to have the 2 hour GTT done.  After the blood draw, I also had a transvaginal (aka "dildo cam") ultrasound with his tech there in the office.  She was also amazingly nice, and was much more "gentle" than the ultrasound tech who did my t/v ultrasound with Baby M.  During my ultrasound, the tech did tell me that my ovaries are really far apart from each other and sit really far off to each side.  As in, she could hardly find my left one with the dildo cam.  She did finally find it, and she said it was almost as far over as my femoral artery (which I guess is REALLY far).  She then turned on the sound from the ultrasound and sure enough, you could hear the blood whooshing in my artery so loud it echoed in the room.  (Aww, my ovary's heartbeat.  How special.)    I asked the tech if my ovaries being so far apart was a problem, but of course she couldn't really tell me anything.  But I definitely plan to ask the RE about it at my next appointment.  Which will be next Wednesday, after all of my test results have come back.

I have to say that after today, I am definitely looking forward to this next appointment.  I'm also anxious to see if my tests will show anything.  I guess we will know soon enough!

Test results -- round 1

My doctor called today with my test results from yesterday's blood draw.  He said my hormone levels were all within the normal ranges, so he does not think I have PCOS.  Which is GOOD news, but still doesn't explain why I am having the symptoms.

On to the RE!

Doctor appointment today

Well, my doctor's appointment today was not nearly as productive as I thought it would be.  From speaking with my doctor on the phone the other day, I expected we would go over my medical history, my charts, my symptoms, etc.  He had asked me to bring my charts, but then barely even glanced at them.  He also didn't examine me (I was ok with this) or even talk to me about PCOS at all.

All he did was order bloodwork and refer me to an RE.  He also kept saying I might need something to make me ovulate and the next step would probably be Clomid.  I told him I thought I was ovulating, just not very often, and that I wasn't comfortable immediately jumping to Clomid before we ruled out other things that might be going on.  I don't want to take Clomid... I want answers about what is going on with me!

I don't know what I was expecting from this appointment exactly, but I guess I thought it would be more productive than it was.  Something just felt off about the entire appointment.  As DH said, maybe my doctor just didn't know what else to do so he referred me to someone who would.  Either way, I did have my blood drawn and he said my results for the PCOS panel should be back in a few days.  And thankfully, I didn't have to wait long to get in to the RE -- my appointment is next Monday.  Hopefully he can finally give us some insight as to what is going on with me!