@^$*&#^$&*@#(&)&@!!!

This morning I got another BFN, followed by AF.

I can't believe this happened to me two cycles in a row.  I freaking hate my body and I hate this.

Still waiting...

14 dpo, no AF, and I still don't have a clear answer as to what is going on in my ute.  My temp went up .1 degree this morning, but I haven't been able to get another truly clear BFP to confirm my positive last night.

I did get what looked like a very very faint line on one internet cheapie with FMU this morning, but it was pretty difficult to see.  Then I dipped a second one (in the same FMU), and it came out stark white negative. 

I saved my FMU and tested with an FRER during my lunch break.  BFN.  Then I dipped another internet cheapie and thought I saw another super, suuuupppeerrrr faint line, but I hesitate to call it a clear positive.  I also have a hard time believing I am truly pregnant when I got a negative on an FRER, when they are supposedly one of the most sensitive tests available.

So now, I am right back where I started.  I want to believe I am pregnant, because that first test last night had such a clear second line.  And, unlike last time, this line was still there when the test dried (and actually got even darker).*  However, it worries me that I can't seem to replicate that result.  I don't want to get my hopes up until I have 100% clear proof that I am, in fact, with child.

I will be testing again first thing in the morning with a fresh batch of FMU.  Hopefully I will get a definitive answer soon.


* For the record, the line on last night's BFP was still clear as day this morning.  (I may or may not have dug it out of the trash to make sure...  Don't act like you've never dug a test out of the trash before!)

Holding my breath

DH was being a pee pusher, so I tested again.  This is what we saw.  On two tests.

I know the picture is dark and you can probably barely see the line, but even though it is faint, it is purple and it is there. (Maybe with the aid of my super sophisticated photo editing, you can see it too.  Click to enlarge.)

I am very cautiously optimistic, but won't let myself get excited just yet.  I need to confirm with FMU before I really let myself believe it.  I am so excited/scared/nervous/terrified to test in the morning.  I just hope that line is still there.

Purgatory

13 dpo and still no AF.  I have had a 12 day LP for the past five cycles.  I realize AF isn't technically late, but she's close. 

I'm still having mild cramping and some EWCM, but also some creamy/sticky CM.  I'm also still having some very sporadic brown spotting.  My temps dropped a little today, but are still pretty high.  And I'm still not having any real pre-AF symptoms.

And I got 2 BFNs this afternoon/evening.  I didn't get to use FMU because, due to Saturday being a post office holiday and my poor planning, my internet cheapies didn't arrive until this afternoon and I couldn't wait until tomorrow.  My first round PIAC was pretty diluted, and my second one was better but still not super concentrated.  So who knows.

I realize I'm probably setting myself up for disappointment, but unless AF shows, I'll be testing again tomorrow.  I'm trying really, really hard not to get my hopes up.

#$%&@!!!

Cramping, EWCM, and spotting today.  I'm sure AF is right around the corner.

Happy new year to me and DH.

Not sure what to think

 

11 dpo and my chart still looks pretty good.  All of your encouragement/ threats to my temps yesterday must have worked, because this morning my temp was back up.

I'm having no pre-AF symptoms -- my boobs don't feel sore or swollen at all, and I'm not having any cramping at all yet... last cycle it started at 8 dpo.  I have been having some extreme bloating (which I had the last time I was pregnant), and my acid reflux has been majorly acting up these past few days, but I'm blaming those two effects on my overindulging in holiday foods.  Also, my boobs have been itching like crazy, which has never happened to me before and is totally weird, so I don't know what to think of that either.  haha

I did, however, just have a tinge of dark brown spotting mixed in some creamy CM.  I don't know what to think of that.  Of course, the logical part of my brain says, "Its AF coming, stupid".  But the optimistic, hopeful side keeps thinking maybe its implantation spotting after that dip yesterday.  AHHH!!!

I really, really, REALLY want this to be it for us.  I'm so sick of seeing BFNs and worrying if we will ever be parents.  I also really, really don't want to hit our one-year TTC anniversary and EDD with an empty ute.  :-(

Happy New Year

I cannot believe it is now 2011.  Almost one year ago today we began trying for a baby, and I thought for sure we would have one by now.  Or that I would at least be expecting one.

Of course, I should be gigantically pregnant right now and ready to meet Baby M in 17 days.  Needless to say, 2010 did not go as planned.

Here's hoping 2011 is better for all of us.  Happy New Year to all of you.