Of course

So I wake up and check Facebook, only to find...  ANOTHER pregnancy announcement this morning. Are you kidding me?

Yet another...

...girl I know announced her pregnancy on Facebook today.  Seriously?  I really think I now know more pregnant people than not. 

I'm really not even upset about this one.  I truly am happy for her and she is a great person.  I just wish it was my turn to be making the announcement for once.

That felt good

Remember the obnoxious girl I mentioned in my previous post?  She had a stupid Facebook status about eating pickles up today.  I blocked her. 

That felt awesome.

Frustrated

I've been feeling really frustrated lately.

Frustrated, of course, that it is taking us so long to conceive a healthy baby.

Frustrated that I probably only have one, maybe two, more chances to get pregnant before our EDD/one-year anniversary of TTC (yes, both of those lovely milestones are on the same day).

Frustrated that everyone else in the world is having babies except for me and DH (including the annoying girl from law school who I cannot stand, and cannot be happy for, no matter how hard I try).

Frustrated that me not being happy for other people's pregnancy annoucements makes me feel like a monster.

Frustrated that (well-meaning) people constantly make comments about when we are going to have kids, and frustrated with how that makes me feel (like I want to punch them in the face, and then go cry).

Frustrated that people who do know about our struggles keep saying the wrong douchebag things ("Maybe it will happen when you stop thinking about it"... thanks Mom!).

Frustrated that there is nothing medically wrong with me, and there is nothing more we can do... and yet I still cannot get pregnant (despite having perfect timing every.single.cycle.).

And worst of all, I'm frustrated that DH is getting frustrated with me.  He is so incredibly supportive, but I know he struggles with watching me on my sad days.  I know he hates seeing me sad.  And its not like I'm sad all the time, but some days are more difficult than others.  I know I'm ok, but I think DH is starting to worry.  I just wish I could go back to being my old, happy (99.9% of the time) self, and not worry about these things... and not be so frustrated about all of these things I can't control.  :-(

New look

Today during the pity party I was throwing for myself, I decided my blog needed a new look. After much tinkering with the (lame) Blogger templates, I think it looks pretty snazzy! ;-)

CD1

On to month 11 of trying. :-(

Game over

This morning I got another BFN at 12 dpo. At that point I was pretty sure this cycle would be another big fat failure.

This was confirmed when I got some red spotting this evening. I expect tomorrow will be full-on AF.

*sigh*