Take that, "just relax"-ers!

A new report (via Stirrup Queens) confirms what we have known all along:

"All [the research] is saying is, whatever stress you are experiencing is not going to impact whether you get pregnant on that particular cycle." 

 See the full report here.

Seriously...?

I am pretty sure FF has gone stupid lately.  This is the second cycle in a row where it thinks I have ovulated BEFORE my +OPK.  Seriously?  I'm pretty sure that is physically impossible.  Nice try though, FF.  

I'm hoping that after a few more days of high temps FF will move my cross-hairs to yesterday, where they most certainly should be.  Otherwise, I guess I'll be doing another manual override. 

Get your act together, FF!

Decisions

DH and I have been talking about our TTC efforts recently.  Basically, we agree that what we are doing isn't working and something needs to change.

After some more research, discussion with a doctor friend who frequently prescribes fertility meds, and a healthy dose of heartbreak and desperation, DH and I are revisiting the idea of Clomid.  We are still both a little skeptical of the risks, but we have been assured that the risks associated with using the minimum dose for only a few cycles are very, very small.  We are hoping that it will at least give me shorter, more regular cycles and thus give us more chances at conceiving a healthy baby.  Plus, it seems to be the only real option left to try before more invasive and expensive treatments, and it sure as heck is cheaper than adoption. 

SO, if we are not successful this cycle, we are going to give Clomid a go.  If the Clomid doesn't work, then we will move forward with foster-adoption this summer. 

The foster-adopt situation is another reason why I am willing to reconsider Clomid.  I'm afraid we might be at a bit of a roadblock when it comes to foster-adoption.  I have continued looking into it, and it seems like fostering-to-adopt a newborn would be nearly impossible for us right now.  The main obstacle:  one parent must be able to stay home full-time in order to receive a newborn placement.  While I knew going into this that a stay-at-home-parent was looked favorably upon, I did not realize that, in practice (in our area at least), it is essentially a requirement, because infants in foster care cannot go to daycare until they are 12 weeks old.  Another obstacle is my job.  I work in child welfare, and have direct access to every case file on every family in our county whose children are in foster care.  I'm not sure how this would affect our eligibility to foster parent, but I am pretty sure that's a gigantic conflict of interest.  So basically, I would either need to quit my job (which we absolutely cannot afford at this point, as much as I hate to admit that), find a new job (which is impossible in this economy -- I know, I've been looking for months), or win the lottery so we can afford a private adoption.  *SIGH*

So, that is pretty much where we are at right now:  one more cycle au naturale, a few tries with Clomid, then moving to foster-adoption and praying that somehow it will work out for us.

Someday, somehow, we ARE going to be parents.

"What I Want You to Know: Infertility"

Kristen at "Rage Against the Minivan" posted an awesome guest post, "What I Want You to Know: Infertility".  Although the writer struggles with infertility, her post touches on many of my feelings about TTC in general and I'm sure most of my fellow TTCAL readers can relate as well.  Enjoy!

CD1

Bright red bleeding today.  Chemical pregnancy #3 confirmed.

I cannot believe this happened to us again.

BFP and BFNs

Sorry for the silence these past several days.  I was waiting in the hopes that I could actually write that post about eating my words.  

I got a BFP on Thursday, at 11 dpo.  A clear, but faint, pink line that appeared before the 5 minute read time allowed by my tests. 

I was so excited, I was shaking.  I have never seen a line that clear appear that quickly before, so I thought that surely this must be it!  I immediately tried confirming with another internet cheapie, which came up negative.  I ran and grabbed one of my FRERs, thinking surely it would confirm my positive.  Of course it was a BFN.  I was slightly disheartened, but thought maybe I just got lucky with a super sensitive cheapie and that it was just too early for these other tests.  

Friday morning I tested again, fully expecting to confirm my positive result from the day before.  Two more BFNs.  

At this point I called my doctors office again.  My RE wanted me to come in for a beta and to check my progesterone levels, so I went yesterday morning.  I really, truly thought I would get a positive result.  The nurse called yesterday afternoon:  my betas came back as "below 5" (obviously NOT pregnant) and my progesterone level was 6.78 (9 is the minimum they want to see for pregnancy).  

To say I was upset by this news is an understatement.  At best, the machine in their lab hadn't been properly calibrated before they ran my test, and the numbers were just off.  At worst (and most likely), I was pregnant and now I'm not.  And the nurse wasn't very helpful, she just kept telling me it was too early and I shouldn't even be testing yet because this is what happens.  (She was nice about it, but still, not helpful at this point!)  The nurse said I could either continue taking my progesterone and they could test my levels again on Monday, or stop the progesterone and wait for my period.  I decided to keep taking it and keep testing this weekend and see what happens. 

So far, another BFN this morning, but my temp is still rising.  I'm not hopeful, but I'm not giving up until the fat AF sings.

*Sigh*

I'm pretty sure this cycle is a bust.

My temps have been pretty dismal the past three days, and so far today I have had multiple strings of EWCM and also some cramping.  WTF, body?  I figured the progesterone would raise my temps, give me increased creamy CM, and might even delay my period... not that I would have dropping temps and pre-AF EWCM at 9 dpo.  Frustrating!

(And yes, I did test this morning.  BFN.  DH and I are snowed in and celebrating with a drinking snow day, so I had to be sure.  Also, waiting to test until AF was due sure didn't spare me any heartache these past few cycles, so what's the point?)

Of course, I would be love to eat these words in a few days, if by some miracle I did turn up pregnant.  But I'm not holding my breath.